Lamassu from the citadel of Sargon II

If you've ever felt your home security system could use more monstrous, divine intimidation, the ancient Assyrians were way ahead of you. Meet the Lamassu, the celestial bouncers of King Sargon II's citadel. Their job description was simple: guard the palace gates, ward off evil, and make sure every visitor understood the king's immense power. This creature is the ultimate mythological mash-up. It has the head of a human for intelligence, the body of a bull for strength, and the wings of an eagle for swiftness and freedom. A horned crown tops it all off, just in case you weren't sure it was divine. The sculptors, who carved these 40-ton behemoths from a single stone slab, were also showing off. They got clever with perspective by giving the Lamassu five legs. When viewed from the front, it appears to be standing still and formidable. But as you pass by, the side view shows it striding forward. It's a neat optical illusion that creates a sense of perpetual watchfulness. Some were even carved with a subtle smile. Just in case the hybrid monster form wasn't intimidating enough, an inscription carved between its hind legs lists King Sargon's accomplishments and lays out a curse for anyone who might wish to harm the palace. It was the 8th-century BCE equivalent of a "beware of dog" sign, only infinitely more terrifying.